How I Got My Relationship Back On Track

From business partners to passionate lovers

Dating and the first five years of our marriage were bliss. I had no one else to take care of but my husband and myself. I would do everything during the day at home and at the office to make sure that when my husband got home, I could show him how much work I had done. I enjoyed it. I received a tremendous amount of affirmations from him and gratitude. We built a very successful business together.

Then things started changing. The scope of work has shifted from office management to software creation, from no kids to three kids in 3 years. Our relationship took a turn down. For the next 7 years I had gone to a marriage therapist who told me to immediately divorce my husband, to the family counselor who allowed us to point fingers at each other, to numerous coaching sessions with coaches who had no clue how to help. Needless to say, it cost a lot of time and money.

We were exhausted, so mad at each other and disappointed. The work was not going well. We worked together but I resented every second of it. I cried every time we sat together at the computer. I was wondering how could he not see that…? I was doing things I did not enjoy or felt qualified to do. He was mad that I wasn’t supporting him enough.

In my eyes everything he said to our employees was wrong. I was on the other side “protecting” them from my husband as if he were to hurt them. I was looking at his criticism of them as criticism of me; that I didn’t do a good job, or I would have to do more work. He kept saying: “You are on their side” and I didn’t see it at all. Not until I read Laura’s book. It was never as clear as that. Pictures of all the times I put him down in front of others as a payback for him “making me” work on the software flashed before my eyes.

Our 10th wedding anniversary was the worst day of my life. It was the day my husband told me that I had ruined his life. That it was 100% my fault. We were in a beautiful, very expensive restaurant arguing…

I truly felt like a victim. I spent years in life coaching. Instead of improving myself and growing the business, family, etc. I kept trying to fix our marriage and figure out a way of how we COULD work together. Nothing was really working. They were not relationship coaches, they were life coaches who knew how to achieve goals but not necessarily fix a marriage. I had some very short-term results and then went back to the beginning.

Then finally, one day my life coach told me about “Empowered Wives” book. I listened to it over 2 days. I was in shock!!! I felt so empowered! Just a few days before that happened, we were interviewing 2 marriage counselors to help us on our marriage. Then when I read the book, I apologized to my husband and said: “We don’t need any counselors, I got this.” In disbelief and shock he asked: “What do I need to change about myself?” I responded: “Nothing. I love you just the way you are.” That was the beginning of recovering our marriage.

Then the day came when I started the LDC coaching program. On the call, Laura asked me: “If you had a magic wand, what would you do? How would you see your situation?” For the first time I let the words come out from my mouth and I said: “We wouldn’t work together at all…” That was the moment when I realized I needed to step away from the business. It was so scary as we had nothing in common with my husband except for talking about the business. Even though we started working together after we got married, I felt that we practically had a business relationship. We didn’t really know each other. We had family but because there was so much hurt and resentment we couldn’t talk about the kids either. Everything seemed like an attack on me. Everything I did was met with criticism, at least so I thought, and subsequently tears on my side.

Through the coaching program, I learned a lot about application of the tools. I learned how to listen and be heard. I had a lot of ups and downs. Four months into the program I was on top of the world. I stepped away from the business, took dancing classes, restarted my modeling career, and started to pay more attention to the kids and my husband. We became more intimate. Life was good.

Then one day, my husband told me: “None of this Laura stuff works! You may be happy but I’m not. This is not working for me. You need to drop this program asap. You left me and the business.” I felt soooo sad and defeated. Here I thought we were doing so well, and everything was a waste.

We entered a cold war for about 3 weeks. I could not believe that we went from such a great place, and what I thought, a better relationship, to nothing. Fortunately, I had my group of coaches who helped me get through this dip. I also, for the first time in years, had a preview of what a beautiful relationship could be like so I had hope and something to look forward to.

Now, 4 years later, my husband, who never used to open the doors for me, does it with a smile on his face. He buys me flowers and talks to me for hours. Before he tried to get me to listen to the news so I could stay current and be able to talk to him. Now he listens to everything about polarity between men and women, where the world is going in respect to that, and updates me on the news. He talks to me about the things that really interest me. In return, now I want to learn things that interest him.

Recently, we were lying in bed and he looked at me with loving eyes and said: “Thank you for taking care of our family. I’d much rather have you here [in my arms] than in the office.”

Those were the most beautiful words I could ever hear. Acceptance, love, admiration, intimacy – all I ever dreamed of. Our 14th
wedding anniversary turned out to be the most beautiful day of my life. We were hugging with my husband in the kitchen, just looking lovingly in each other’s eyes, when our kids (7, 5, 4) started coming up to us and hugging in. They looked up at us with loving eyes of safety and peace. That picture is forever engraved in my mind. And it was all possible because of the skills.


Dear Jola,

I’ve been meaning to write to you to tell you thank you. I wanted you to know what an impact you had on my life. I owe me being engaged to you. I really mean that. I’ve always been so feminine but never knew how to embrace that when it came to relationships. I always thought femininity meant looking and dressing girly, I never thought about emphasizing femininity traits when it came to how I approached my relationship. I never realized doing this would in turn attract the very masculine male characteristics I craved in a partner. I’ve never once had to ask Brandon to treat me a certain way or do certain things for me, he just did them over time. He naturally responded to my feminine approach with a masculine one (stuff like opening doors for me, he said he has never in 40 years done that with a girl yet he started doing it with me and I never had to even ask). It’s crazy that something that seems so simple like embracing your gender and admiring the differences in gender is that powerful in a healthy relationship. The night I got engaged I actually thought about you almost instantly. I thought how much I evolved because of the things you taught me. I’m so happy in life now, and I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I owe where I am today because of you. I know with absolute certainty I wouldn’t be where I am if it weren’t for you, so thank you


I have coached Jessica through her past relationship which wasn’t right for her, however, with what she has learned she was able to attract the man of her dreams.